Confusion

I can't, I don't want to... I want to go back to that day and live it over and over again... but I know it was just one time, and probably out of pity... should I thank or should I hate? I don't care, it won't happen again for sure. It cannot happen again. Look at me now: faking, always faking; coldness, false pride and rejection towards everybody and everything; if they only knew what really lies in my mind... if they could hear my thoughts... they'd hate me as much as I hate them and yet love them and need them... why can't things be simpler?