Resolutions in my Sleep

Why, why, why?!

I want to (actually, I need it) but I can't... I can't do it on my own, I need some help.

I tried, but I couldn't. I don't know... maybe I should try harder... or maybe I shouldn't try at all; maybe this time, my chance is really going to come... what if this is the one? why not? after all, it's got to be sometime... it just has to.

Giving up to expectations and looking for a reason to live ends up being a reason to live in itself... In the end, it all returns to nothing. In the end they all return to someone; in the end you return to your desitions and indesitions; in the end, I return to no one...

Ya se, pero no voy a parar...

Si, ya se. Perdoname. Soy terrible, no puedo parar. Es que nunca me gusto tanto algo... nunca me senti asi... tengo que parar lo se, pero ya no puedo. ¿No entendes que me meti de lleno? ¿no ves que ya no hay vuelta atras para mi? ¿No ves que yo lo necesito mas que cualquiera? si, lo ves. ¿Te importa? No. Y si; te culpo. No sos el unico que puede jugar a destapar el lado feo que tenemos. Todavia no me propuse arruinarte la vida, pero no me lo pidas. No sabes todo lo que hay en mi mente; no tenes ni idea de la fuerza que tengo, de lo resistente que soy. Once again, I choose to hate... deep inside I hate you as much as I love you.

Perdon, me lo mostrás pero prefiero pensar que no es definitivo; que aun puede crecer. Y si, quizas sea inservible todo lo que haga, y quizas sea infantil mi forma de ser, pero no puedo parar. Así soy. Y así me voy a morir...

No quiero que pienses que no veo las cosas porque si la veo, es solo que no me importa. No pienses que hay algo que puedas hacer para detener esto porque no hay nada. Dejemos todo asi. Yo se que vos vas a estar bien...

A Vampire's Lament

I am the walking dead heartbreaker

my apologies

I'm happy

you'll never understand what it's like to be trapped under six feet of solid glass

I can see out, but no one gets in

Screaming at the prison I've locked myself into

I'm sorry that I'm still breathing and that I'll Kill again

but the loneliness is too much for me to handle.

The taste of fresh blood pushes me on.

I told myself the constant pain could ease the tension, the burning inside

But the nights were cold and the days dragged to weeks

I will die here alone

I will die

The fear of romance.

The pain of living.

The joy of sorrow.

The strength of forgiving

God help me... I'm so tired...

but in my dreams the wolves eat out my soul...

God help me... I'm so frightened

but in my dreams the wolves tear out my heart...

I used to be golden, a saint in a time of sorrow

but then the turning came and I kissed the sun goodbye...

don't you get it? it's always darker in my eyes,

the screams of my brothers egging me on.

No quisiera explotar.

Ojalá tuviera el valor para decir lo que realmente quiero decir. Ojalá no tuviera que mentir para tener aunque sea una parte de lo que necesito... Ojalá no hubiera dejado pasar tantas oportunidades en las que pude haber dicho todo pero no lo hice...

Por otro lado, ¿qué cambiaría que lo supieras?, quizás nada; o quizás las cosas serían aún peor... no sé.

Todo el tiempo luchan mis impulsos y mi razonamiento... es que desearía tanto poder decirlo... Vivo gritándolo cada vez que te miro sin que te des cuenta... cada vez que te llamo pero no venís...

Y así pasa otro día más en el que no hablé, y en el que todo el fuego me consume por dentro... ¿cambiaría algo de saberse? no sé, ojalá sí... pero aún tengo miedo, y eso es porque sos más grande e incontenible de lo que pensaba. Sos más de lo que puedo manejar... sos mucho para mí.

Despair

I wish to disappear so much...

It used to be my greatest fear; to disappear from your life completely, from your mind... But now I long for it. I wish this had never started, because falling in love is not good for someone like me, who is not meant to be loved.

Oh God, I want so much to leave; it'd be easier for everybody, even for myself, but I still have this determination that just won't allow me to see the truth.

Lost in my Own Skin

I just want to feel safe in my own skin,
I just want to be happy again
I just want to feel deep in my own world

But I'm so lonely
I don't even want to be with myself anymore
On a different day,
if I was safe in my own skin,
then I wouldn't feel lost and so frightened

But this is today
and I'm lost in my own skin
And I'm so lonely
I don't even want to be with myself anymore
I just want to feel safe in my own skin,
I just want to be happy again.

I just want to be happy again. I just want you to make me happy again.
Am I asking for too much?

What Am I?

Now its time,

I fear to tell I've been holding it back so long

But something strange deep inside of me is happening

I feel unlike I've ever felt

And its making me scared

That I may not be what I think I am

What of us, what do I say

Are we both from a different world?

Cause every breath that I take, I breathe it for you

I couldn't face my life without you

And I'm so afraid.

There's nothing to comfort us

What am I, if I can't be yours

I don't sleep, don't feel a thing

And my senses have all but gone

Can't even cry from the pain, can't shed a tear now I realise

We're not the same and it's making me sad

Cause we can't fufill our dreams (in the life)

So I must, let us break free

I can never be what you need

If there was a way, through the hurt

Then I would find it

I'd take the blows.

Yes I would fight it but this is the one.

Impossible dream to love

What am I, if I can't be yours.

Grotesque Anger

Condemned to spend my life in darkness
Being punished beyond all sanity
Forever paying harmless sins
Bleak surroundings breaking my soul
Grotesque anger killing my passion for life
Going insane
No more dreams
Free me from pain
Convicted
Now here to hide my horrid feelings
Isolated, in this dreadful hell
Possessed by human life outside
Doomed and banished from reality
The final torment takes away the fear
No more suffering, now the end is near
Escape obscurity, make the sacrifice
Had to pay the inevitable price
Grotesque anger killing my passion for life

I'm Sorry

I pray for your pain to stop and I cause you more.

I try to be there for your bad moments but I don't share those that are good for you... I reject them. You mean so much to me, but still I'm so selfish. And I'm sorry I can't help, I know things would be so mech easier for you if I just disappeared; things would be easier for everybody if I disappeared... Please don't ask me why I can't let go, because not even I know. You can say and do what you want with me, I won't complain; I won't cry. I deserve all the bad things that exist; I know it. I've always known it. And I'm so sorry I can't be more helpful...

I'm sorry and remember that I care for you...

War and peace negotiating my soul

going dark my smile

turning pale bedevilled darkness taking over

blinding powers shooting at my soul

it shoots and it shoots me

it's all a disaster killing me

one by one

beware of the gun at your head

pulling trigger

hitting

falling once again

there's blood all around

How I wish you could say

it's over now

but you'll never be free

so I just pray

that all your pain disappears
Eyes of ice tries to steal me

have to find some place above this empty seeds of sadness

makes me wish I'd never been born at all

Someday Not Soon

I'm praying for you I want you to be aware

Someday not soon the memories of pain will fade away

But a contented love will always remain

I've been through this myself a couple times before

I wish I could say it wouldn't be so bad

Too much love will kill you

Too much love will kill you

Just as sure as none at all

It'll drain the power that's in you

Make you plead and scream and crawl

And the pain will make you crazy

You're the victim of your crime

Too much love will kill you

Every time

Too much love will kill you

It'll make your life a lie

Yes, too much love will kill you

And you won't understand why

You'd give your life, you'd sell your soul

But here it comes again

Too much love will kill you

In the end

Shake Me To See If I'm Still Alive

Maybe there is a place in which not only you are there, but also I am there... and we are both together in peace and silence is all we hear. And there's no one there to make everything complicated for me... I guess not. There isn't such thing.

I'm breaking

I felt a crack inside,

shake me to see if I'm still alive,

as the night goes down like another suicide.

All these words that your saying make me sick to my stomach cant you make me smile?

And I'm so bored.

Everyone's dying inside, band-aided with smiles as fake as the way that everyone is being to me. What happened to the romance in my heart, it all went cold without a place to start it all let me down deep in the blue fires of despair. Oblivion make me dust, I cant live through another night of this, I'm dying every second I'm alive. So take me to the sunlight's heat where I can talk to someone just like me and until then Ill be hiding me from you.

Shake me to see if I'm still alive.

I Want To Shine

I want to live,

I want to give

I've been a miner

for a heart of gold.

It's these expressions

I never give

That keep me searching

for a heart of gold

And I'm getting old.

I want to shine like I used to, but all of you have taken my light away... I'm dark now, and blind, for I see no reason in this place to find home in the arms of no one...

¿Qué Soy?

Todos los días es lo mismo.

Me levanto siempre de la misma manera, me arreglo mucho esperando que importe, me ilusiono... Pasa la mañana y tengo que volver a casa, lejos de las oportunidades de despertar algo que exista o crearlo directamente. No tengo mucho más que me interese, entonces paso el día pensando en qué hacer para que de una vez se de lo que debería haberse dado hace rato, pero siempre llego a las mismas conclusiones, especialmente cuando leo ciertas cosas que me duelen muchisimo.

No puedo evitarlo; por más que me golpee contra la pared yo voy a seguir intentando cruzarla hasta que lo logre o me mate, pero jamás la voy a pasar por arriba o voy a desistir. Simplemente jamás me rendí cuando quise algo; no siempre obtuve lo que quise (casi nunca) pero jamás me rendí.

No se que va a pasar, quizás nada, pero ahora no puedo pensar porque hay demasiadas cosas que si me las pongo a pensar y las envuelvo todas crearían una enorme excusa para irme y no volver más...

Sólo quisiera saber qué soy...qué significo...qué podría llegar a significar.

...

Necesito que me digas que me querés porque se me viene todo abajo... por favor, basta de esto...

Cómo me gustaría ser vos; probar lo que probaste;

oír lo que oís;

tener lo que tenés.

Basta... no puedo más...

Always The Same Stone

I don't like it,
No, I don't like it at all
Gonna stop this game, my baby
Before I fall in love

Too many times already baby
Can't do it again
It's always the same stone my sweet baby
Won't be caught again.

That is why, before you hurt me, I will hurt you.
I'll play with you.

I'll break your heart.
You won't mean more than the others to me
I'll make you my favourite toy
And you will see
that no one can mess with me.

You are too comfortably confused my baby
It's not good for me or for you
You like playing games my baby?
Well, learn the truth

No one ever meant so much to me
And I think I may fall in love with you
But you only wanna make me bleed
That is why I'm gonna play with you.

I'd rather drop dead than falling in love with you...

Wake Up

Stay there where you are. Wander at thoughts and dream of death. May darkness fall into your eyes, so that you can never enjoy being alive.

Cut your throat, please, I can't stand anymore listening to your silly complaints about nothing at all.

So you think you are a victim? You want so much to be a victim? I'll turn you into my favourite toy if you keep begging for it. I've done it before with others and I have no problems in doing it again. You don't even imagine how much I can make you wake up.

Wake up for once. You're not dead for God's sake... But keep on like this and I'll fucing kill you myself; keep on like this and you'll loose everything you have.

I'm The Only One

I hate you.
I hate you as much as I hate myself.
And I can't help feeling I'm the only one...
I wish I was the one.

Hate me.
Hate me as much as you hate my love.
And I cant help feeling you're the only one...
I wish you had been the one

Scared Cheap Empty Whore

You're the only thing that gives me strengh and confidence to fight against all my demos; to overcome all my fears.

You are everything I've always wanted and needed, to be; to exist.

Others have turned the lively little girl I used to be into this sad, depressive, suicidal and scared cheap empty whore that I am today, that can only buy people with an insignificant body that should rotten. I need you to make me be the person I want to be. I know I can be better; I know I deserve a rest...

Smash my head and my heart against the walls if necessary, but please stay and save me from this dark character that's taking over me...

Please don't say No again. You don't know what you're doing in me... you don't even realise what that would mean in my world...

I'd Like To Do It

Everyday is the same: I need you and you don't come.

This is a living hell. It may not seem like a hell to you, but it's just because you've got your own living hell. It is always easier from the outside.

Now you can say you want to help me, but I don't see you moving.

And you don't seem to understand. They never seem to understand that the only answer is inside me, killing me; it haunts me.

It wants me to kiss it. Its sharp and cold touch could finally give me the relief, the peace, the security, the confifence that I so need and that everybody denies. I only need to give this life away and it'll rescue me from the nightmare all of you give me day after day; night after night of devastating solitude, undone wishes and broken illusions.

It's Not Fear.

I'm afraid I have to kill it.

Soon it will be born one of my purest creations, but I know it won't change the way things are, and I know it won't mean a thing to you, so I'll try to kill it now before it starts breathing for me...

I wish circumnstances had been different, so I could be embracing the coming of this gift, instead of fearing it and trying to prevent it, but it was never up to me only...

The process will be extremely painful and long, very long...

I don't think so, but let me know if you want it to live.

Thank you all for these wonderful sensations of rejection, emptiness, solitude and pain that you have given me when I stupidly gave you love... this is the innocence in which I spend my days trusting in people only to get disapointed and hurted.

Now I know that you don't choose to hate; you are forced to hate, because it just cannot be that someone always gets what I want first...

It's just not fear.